Saturday, October 07, 2006

10 Signs Your Bishop is a Vagante

Our friend Eric John posted this as a comment on this post, but it's too funny to leave in the comments section. BTW, I had a (less funny) list here for comparison's sake:

Ten warning signs your "bishop" might not be a real one:

10. He refers to himself as Metropolitan Archbishop (of course, it would be better to add something like Catholicos to the mix as well, but one's creative powers must needs be directed elsewhere--such as web design and a clever cover-up operation).

9. His friends call him "Skip" or "Bubba" or even "Catholicos."

8. The ratio of faithful to clergy is often less than 1 layman to 1 clergyman.

7. Despite being a small and forgotten jurisdiction, the Holy Synod your "bishop" belongs to is quite impressive--with an exarch are two and a Western Rite.

6. Your "bishop's" apostolic succession credentials read like a cross between a computer software and/or Ikea manual, a Kant treatise, and the Joy of Experimental Cuisine cookbook (a little o' this, a little o' that).

5. During "liturgy" or "mass" or the "commemorative get together" your "bishop" begins twitching nervously when he hears police sirens outside the "church."

4. Your "bishop's" "church's" name uses three, four, or, preferably, all of the following adjectives in its official name (in different orders somtimes): Orthodox, Roman, Catholic, Traditional, Ecumenical, Old, Celtic, Ancient, African, Eastern, American. (Russian Orthodox Greek Catholic is exempted here, lest we anger the Russians and OCA.)

3. Your "bishop" has a name like Mar Joseph Thaddeus, when he's really a white guy with no link to an Oriental Church, real or imagined.

2. Your "church's" website has a heck of a lot of corporate tax exempt info on it.

And the number 1 warning sign your "bishop" might just have been consecrated in the changing room of an ecclesastical clothing store:

1. People quoting (and misquoting) Jesus get off scott free while those caught quoting your "Primate," who has been diagnosed with something mysterious like "OSB, SSJt., Ph.D." could be slapped with a big fat lawsuit: [Quotes from Metropolitan Archbishop +Joseph Thaddeus, OSB, SSJt., Ph.D. - "Copyrighted" ask for permission (you could face legal action otherwise) to use our "Quotes" which are Continuously updated]--from the website.

If you see any of these warning signs in your "bishop," RUN AWAY, and seek immediate spiritual attention from a REAL Orthodox bishop or priest.

Pretty good, but I think he missed the top one: they claim they are "legitimate, canonical" bishops. Honest.



Blogger Fr. Matthew said...

I wrote something not so tongue in cheek on my blog last spring about vagante groups and found myself being pilloried on some "Real Western Rite Orthodox" blog, as well as having snide little comments put on my blog (duly deleted). You may have to prepare for a lawsuit for what you have posted!

1:52 PM  
Blogger Ben Johnson said...

A lawsuit would be a disappointing failure: I've spoken with my confessor, and he feels my only chance of getting into Heaven is martyrdom.

Father bless,

11:53 PM  
Blogger FrGregACCA said...

Vagante Priest here.

Yes, the Vagante world can be an interesting place; however, not all of us are completely nuts, and, regardless of where one ends up, in the mainstream or outside it, one will always find dysfunction in one form or another, so pick your poison...

Also, fortunately, only a very few bishop and/or Independent jurisdictions are pathologically litgious.

9:47 AM  

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