For Byzantine Lent

We thought we'd pass on this e-mail joke submitted by our friend -- and virtual bishop! -- Jean-Miche, who sent us:

a 20 year-old joke of the great Maldon monastery (Essex)

Q: What are the two most appropriate vegetables to eat during Lent?

A: Peas and lettuce, because:

In peas, lettuce pray unto the Lord.

(source : Vasili)

Thanks for lightening the mood, Jean.

Guess he didn't get the "free gift" part:
Man Accused of Trying to Steal Communion from Priest.

Imagine if they did this in church:
Israeli Soldier Given 21 Days in Prison for Yawning.

Growing in Wisdom

Our good friends at the Journey to Orthodoxy blog posted a fantastic entry about how increased wisdom can lead us to change our minds on certain topics. His post is meant to show Protestants that, though they are now certain of sola sciptura, sola fide, and other doctrines, so once was he. But "to be deep in history is to cease to be Protestant," as one can find fewer and fewer examples of Protestant ideals the further one goes back — and one has not gone far at all before they disappear altogether. If one is honest, upon drinking history a bit deeper, he will change his mind to reflect what he has learned.

His choice of video illustrates his point brilliantly:



Read his whole post. This was a great insight.

The Ravages of Relevance

Like other examples of this genre, I thought for certain this had to be a parody. I'm told it is not. Behold the ravages of "relevant" ministry:



Yeah, this is what all the kids are into....

Update: A poster notes this video is produced by The Way International. For more information on that group, see the comments and read this profile. Also, the video disappeared from YouTube because The Way Intl. has asserted a copyright claim. However, one can view it (out of morbid curiosity) here.

Another Reason to Read the KJV's New Testament

With all the discussion of Bible versions online recently (read: since the release of the Orthodox Study Bible), I genuinely thought this was a parody for awhile. We've discussed other advantages of the KJV's New Testament before. I wouldn't agree with this preacher's statement that God "wrote" the King James Version word-for-word, and his Biblical numbers-system is loopy. But beneath it all, he makes a valid point. Not exactly the way I would have made it, but...well...it's memorable. And colorful.

Off-Topic: That's the Orthodox for You!

The citizens of a village in Romania knowingly re-elected a dead man as mayor. Those interviewed said they preferred the deceased Neculai Ivascu to his living rival, Gheorghe Dobrescu. (This takes, "That government is best which governs least" to new extremes.)

In addition to the fact that Romania is estimated to be 87 percent Orthodox, one quotation in the article proved this village is, in fact, an Orthodox village. One of the people who voted for the departed told the media, "I know he died, but I don't want change."

Since I've Been Posting So Much St. Augustine Recently....

Wow, just...just wow.

"Confessionz"
A Rap about the Confessions of St. Augustine. Written and performed by Christ "MCG" Gehrz...with some help from puppets.

Lyrics:

Now Augustine of Hippo dropped in three and fitty-four
Constantine had gone Nicene almost thirty years before
But Auggie grew up hatin' on the prayin'
See his momma was a Christian, but his daddy was a pagan

On the mean streets of Thagaste, A-Dawg's on a tear
They call him Del Monte 'cause he's gotta have the pear
Didn't even taste it but he's grinnin'
See, it's not about the Benjamins; it's all about the sinnin'

Yeah, and playa had his way wit all da ladies
Until the girl said, "Boo, chill - we're gonna have a baby"

CHORUS:
Oh, Augustine!
(Or Augustine, Augustine)
Augustine!
(Yeah, he's lustin', he's lustin')
Augustine!
(But he's trustin', he's trustin')
God made us for himself
And our hearts'll find their rest in him

Went back to school in Carthage (the town the Romans flattened)
And holla! He's a scholah at philosophy and Latin
Told 'em all that "Cicero's da illest!"
Some Manicheans told him, "Son, you don't know what ill is!"

"What's goin' down's a battle, good and evil warrin'
The spiritual is admirable, the physical's abhorrent"
He thought they'd give him answers that were hidden
But when they said to give up sex, he said, "Oh no, you di'n't!"

Still, playa became a praya when he said
"Give me chastity and continence, Lord... but not yet!"

CHORUS: (repeat)

Took a job in It'ly and read up on the Plat'nists
Learned that evil's just the lack of good, and only good exists
A man in Milan named Ambrose tried to reach him
A. said, "I don't believe his words, but bro's da bomb at preachin'!"

Still he read the Holy Scripture and the picture started shiftin'
He prayed to God to save him from himself but he kept driftin'
Until he fell down weepin' at his knees
He heard the voice of children singin' "Take up and read"

And playa read Paul's playa-hatin' epistle
"Clothe yourself in Jesus Christ" hit him like a missile!

CHORUS: (repeat, 2x)

(Hat tip: Koinonia)

Diary of a Loser

As Homer Simpson would say, "It's funny because it's true." It would explain 90 percent of the blown-out bandwidth on the internet. And if we're honest, we've all been this person at one point or another.

BTW, see what pops up when you hold your cursor over the image.

(Cartoon credits: xkcd.com.)

Real Preachers of Genius

(Hat Tip: Weedon's Blog)

Off-Topic: News to Make You Cry, and Laugh

Orthodox News:

Ancient Irish cemeteries found in Camblin. A published description notes, "Burials were all in the Christian manner." Other ancient artifacts were also unearthed.

Nubia's Orthodox heritage in peril from Islamic jihad. Yes, contrary to Black Militant propaganda, Christianity is an historic religion for African-Americans. The National Islamic Front of Sudan wants to flood ancient Christian sites yet unexplored.

News to Make You Cry:
Secular Confirmation: Abstinence is Self-Defense.

And News to Make You Smile:
Maybe It's a Tiny Armenian Monk? (That's not intended as an insult.)

Off-Topic: The Bible As Tramp's Prop

Look who found the Bible? Paris Hilton. Yes, that Paris Hilton. In a transparent move to avoid paying the penalty of her misdeeds, copied by faux penitents from Manuel Noriega to vagantes everywhere, Hilton is toting the Good Book. The story's sickening, accompanying picture notes Hilton could find a Bible, but she couldn't find a bra.

An Ecclesiological Pascal's Wager

Yes, this is firmly tongue-in-cheek:

I believe everyone could and should be firmly convinced by the Orthodox Church's ecclesiological claims: that She is the One True Church founded by Jesus Christ. If an Orthodox Christian becomes convinced the Roman Catholic Church is that Church, then I'd counsel him to reconsider and read our theology. If at last he could not accept our Church, then he should make an ecclesiological Pascal's Wager:

If he is right that the Papacy is all it claims to be, he is not excluded; since Vatican II, and particularly under the current Pontiff, the RCC considers Orthodoxy a "true particular church" with valid sacraments and orders. The Vatican has a view that Orthodox, in a nutshell, are too dumb to realize we're really part of their church.

If he is wrong (as I believe they are), he is renouncing the true Church and apostasizing. As St. Theophan the Recluse said, "You ask, will the heterodox be saved... Why do you worry about them? They have a Saviour Who desires the salvation of every human being. He will take care of them. You and I should not be burdened with such a concern. Study yourself and your own sins... I will tell you one thing, however: should you, being Orthodox and possessing the Truth in its fullness, betray Orthodoxy, and enter a different faith, you will lose your soul forever."

If nothing else, weigh those two outcomes in the balance, then make your decision.

(End naughty jesting.)

A High Honor for this Blog

Wow! The Prophet Mohammed himself has linked to me. If you haven't visited this satire website, it is all very un-PC.

So THAT'S Why We Fast!

The Fathers had similar observations (see ch. 19), but now science has provided verification for it all.

Off-Topic: News Roundup

Not only that, but see what happens when you make them watch Oprah: Pollution may change male frogs into female frogs

And I thought cell phones were irritating: Police: Using laptop in car caused deadly head-on...

The Next Blanco Monk? ROCK GREAT PETER TOWNSHEND: PRAY FOR BRITNEY... (What's the Blanco similarity? This. BTW, Britney could use prayer.)

I'm Putting on my Top Hat....

You Are 64% Gentleman

You are definitely a gentleman. You're very considerate and you have excellent manners. Occasionally, you slip and do something foolish... but usually no one notices!

Are You A Gentleman?

A Virtual Episcopal Visitation

Jean-Michel: Bishop of Bloggers.
Our friend Jean-Michel of Belgium sent in this playful picture. Once upon a time if you got purple fever, you had to pay off a vagante before you could pose for a shot like this!

Well, That's Reassuring

You have a 17% chance of going postal!

Good news! You're not very likely to kill your coworkers. You seem very well adjusted. You rock! Talk about those feelings!

How Likely Are You to Go Postal?
Create Your Own Quiz

Appropriate for a Friday, Don't You Think?

You Are Fish

You have a well formed palate and a daring appetite. If it's served to you, you'll at least try it. People are pretty scared of your exotic ways. But once they get a taste of you, they're addicted!

What Kind of Meat Are You?

The Pope and Boss Hogg: Dare to Compare

A great post from The Continuing Anglican Churchman:

I was watching a rerun of the Dukes of Hazzard the other day and noticed that there is an uncanny resemblance between Boss Hogg and the pope.

The pope dresses in all white and wears a fancy hat; so does Boss Hogg.

The pope rules over the Vatican City; Boss Hogg rules over Hazzard County.

The pope has the Vatican as his HQ; Boss Hogg has the Boar's Nest.

The pope has a fancy car - the popemobile; Boss Hogg has his white convertible with the steer horns on the front of it.

The pope has a fancy chair - the throne of St. Peter; Boss Hogg has a fancy chair - his barber chair.

The pope is surrounded by smoke - incense; Boss Hogg is surrounded by smoke - cigars.

The pope has his doctrinal enforcer/watchdog - the head of the CDF; Boss Hogg has his - Sheriff Roscoe Pete Coltrane.

The pope speaks English with a heavy accent - so does Boss Hogg.

The pope has people that cause him a great deal of trouble and try to usurp his authority - schismatics, heretic, etc.; Boss Hogg has the Duke boys.

The pope is sort of friends with the ABC, who has a big bushy beard and a big church/communion that he can barely keep together. The two go way back, but the pope would really like to see the ABC and his communion submit to papal authority; Boss Hogg has a similar relationship with Uncle Jesse (who has a big bushy beard). He is always scheming to take over Uncle Jesse's farm, which is constantly teetering on the brink of financial disaster, and lock up the Duke Boys.

Is this a coincidence? Could the Dukes of Hazzard serve as a metaphor for the church in an even larger way? What about Daisy Duke, Cooter, and the General Lee? What about Roscoe's pet basset hound that rides around with him? The possibilities for theological reflection are endless. Hmmmm, I think I know what I am going to do my ph.d. about. Yee haw!